wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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