i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
