the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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