Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
