I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize