i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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