Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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