The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
