I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
