Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
