Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
