ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
