Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
