I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
