you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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