so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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