Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
