He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
