not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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