there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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