This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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