I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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