turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize