Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
