its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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