false alarm. still invincible.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
