She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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