Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
