Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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