What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize