I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
should my penis look like a turkey
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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