He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
