grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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