The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
