she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
