Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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