Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
