Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
