so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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