i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
