I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
