Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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