i jhust puked up my retainher.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
