i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
