She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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