HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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