I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
