I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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