I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
