I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
