I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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