I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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