Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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