u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
