she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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