he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize