Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I should be sponsored by Trojan
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize