I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
People in love make me want to vomit
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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