Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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