mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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