Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize