the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
