i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize