Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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