I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
