I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
