If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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