Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
